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Challenges for Older Dads |
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Written by Perry P. Perkins
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009 3:07 pm |
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“There is no greater challenge than to have someone relying upon you.”
- Kingman Brewster, Jr.
While the majority of children are born to fathers between the ages of twenty and thirty-four, becoming a later-in-life dad is a distinct trend. Current research indicates that since 1980, birth rates have increased forty percent for men aged thirty-five to forty-nine.
I’m forty myself, with an eighteen-month-old daughter and, believe me, becoming a father challenges you in unexpected ways, especially becoming a father later in life.
Physically, emotionally and financially, a baby can come as a shock to the established pattern of an older father’s life. Here are several challenges and concerns that other later-in-life dads have shared with me, as well as a couple of my own…
- 1. Getting enough sleep
Gone are the days of staying up late, getting up early and being able to run all day long. As older dads we need to “ration our rest” so we have the energy to keep up with our kids as they get older (and even more so during those first few sleepless weeks).
The advice that’s been given to new-moms for years is just as good for us: rest when the baby rests. Discover the joy of power napping. Maintain a healthy sleeping pattern, getting to bed on time and maintaining a good sleep plan, including:
Good diet and exercise.
A comfortable mattress, as soft or firm as required.
A conducive sleeping environment (dark, quiet, and relaxing.)
There are going to be enough late nights, sick nights, and 3:00 a.m. wake-up calls that can’t be avoided. Make the most of every other opportunity!
- 2. Little in common with the younger parents of your children’s friends
As embarrassing as it is to admit, I have a hard time following the conversations of my “peers” at playgroup. I don’t know their bands, I’m not up on their lingo, and I couldn’t care less about the latest video games.
Instead of focusing on our differences, I try to start conversations on topics that we might share an interest in, like sports, or hobbies, or the thing we all have in common…our kids!
The upside, and there’s always an upside, is that many of my “old” friends have kids who are baby-sitting age!
- 3. Change can be more difficult
Let’s face it, the older we get, the more we are set in our ways. When I was twenty, I was usually ready for anything. I could have a bag packed for a road trip in minutes, or be ready to move by the end of a weekend. Not anymore.
Now, I like to have a little time to think about changes, to consider my options and form a game plan. Is this a bad thing?
Not at all!
I make better decisions and less mistakes at forty than I did at twenty. So, give yourself some time to make a plan. Start as early as you can (pre-pregnancy, if possible) and do some reading, take some notes and start making some plans.
Will there be unexpected and unavoidable changes? Sure! But, ask yourself this…would you rather be lost with a map, or without one?
- 4. Lack of Stamina
A number of later-in-life dads mentioned to me that their biggest concern was not being able to keep up with a toddler at forty-two, or a teenager at fifty-five.
I think this is a valid concern, and it’s one that I’ve certainly experienced myself.
Luckily, this is an easy one to fix. If you're a dad over forty, get to the gym several times a week, take a hard look at your diet and make improvements, start walking more and sitting less. Not only will you have the energy for your kids, but you’ll look better, feel better and stick around longer as well!
- 5. Career Responsibilities
Seriously, many people in their 40’s are in their peak earning years, having achieved a certain level of success in their career. It may be even more difficult at that point to start taking time off for children than it would have been in twenties and thirties.
Maybe you can’t be a stay-at-home dad, but does that mean you have to be in the office all week?
More and more businesses are waking up to the realization that job-sharing and telecommuting is often better for the company, better for the employee, and better for the bottom line. Most stay-at-home dads that I know are also (like me) work-at-home dads.
Explore your options!
Like most challenges in life, the road ahead can often seem daunting, but hey, you’ve made it this far in life haven’t you? Older dads often benefit from their additional life experience and problem solving skills.
Besides, the rewards of being a later-in-life father are commensurate…that first smile, first step and all the other “firsts” that are waiting for us; our gold medals for being a dad.
Now, that’s a challenge worth facing. |
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From Champagne Glasses to Sippy Cups |
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Written by Meagan Church
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009 3:04 pm |
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Remember the eves of yesteryear when you stayed out late, watched the ball drop, toasted in the coming year and snoozed through the following few days? Perhaps that isn’t as attainable now that little Jared prefers to wake with the early morning light, but that is no reason to don your pajamas and retire before Carson Daily begins the countdown. Instead, dust off the champagne flutes, unroll some sleeping bags and follow these simple do’s and don’ts to planning a New Year’s Eve party that is both kid- and adult-friendly.
Invites
DON’T expect guests to find their own sitters. Sure, you might be craving some adult-only time with your friends, but honestly New Year’s Eve is a hot night. Most sitters, whether it’s teens or grandparents, will want to celebrate the evening in their own way – which typically doesn’t include chasing after your little monster.
DO include the kiddos on the guest list. If you still want the adults to have more time to focus on things other than kid-centric activities, then consider trying to find one child wrangler to watch the kids at the party location, allowing the parents to focus on more mature topics of conversation. Local mom Amy Church swears by this method. “We host a family-friendly party and often hire one or two sitters to watch all the kids in another room/basement so that parents enjoy the night and don’t have to pay an arm and a leg for a New Year’s Eve sitter,” she said.
Grub
DON’T expect everyone to drink sparkling grape juice. Just because some little people are now on the guest list, don’t think champagne and other beverages are off-limits. But, of course, be responsible as those kids will later be strapped into car seats and driven home at the end of the night.
DO have a mix of kid-friendly offerings along with adult options. Children can be fickle eaters, so try to have a few fan favorites (pizza, mac ‘n cheese, etc.), but leave plenty of room for more discriminating palates. Or plan a theme menu that pleases all eaters, like area mom Andrea LeSeure does at her party. “We have great party snacks for dinner and then drink Sprite from champagne glasses, toasting at midnight,” she said.
Festivities
DON’T center the entire night around the kids. It might seem best to try to keep them constantly entertained, thus spend the evening “peep, peeping” along with Thomas the Train and Friends – but the adults deserve to have their own fun, too.
DO plan some activities just for adults. Try a murder-mystery game, Pictionary playoff or Wii showdown, like Shelly Knepp did. “Last year we all went to my folks’ house. They have a Wii, we do and my sister does. We all brought them over to their house (they have three TVs) and had a Wii tournament. It was lots of fun!”
Farewells
DON’T assume guests must leave when the clock strikes 8 o’clock. Just because the kids typically turn in early doesn’t mean they must follow their exact bedtime routine on New Year’s Eve.
Do plan a semi-sleepover. Set aside a room or two, so the little ones can get some shut-eye, while the adults ring in the New Year. Have space for infant car seats and porta-cribs for the smallest ones. As they get a bit older, let them climb into bed together or set up a sleeping bag village on the floor. Take it from Michiana-mom Rachel Visser who said, “We always have a New Year's Eve party at our house. Our friends bring their kids along. We have some kid snacks and they play for a little while. Then we send the kids to bed. It's like a huge sleep over. The adults play games, like poker, and toward the end of the night we recline by the fireplace and talk.”
Finding creative ways to include the kids can make for some good, lasting memories for everyone involved. So ring in 2010 enjoying your friends and family…and let your little ones do the same. |
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Last Updated on Tuesday, December 8, 2009 3:05 pm |
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Written by Katie Anthony
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009 3:02 pm |
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Family vacations. In my childhood, that meant loading up the wood-paneled station wagon with eight kids, luggage, snacks and the inevitably-important “barf bag” (how did we fit?) to drive hours to an amusement park and stay in a non-descript motel with two beds and a cloudy outdoor pool. We were entertained by our constant bickering over space in the rear, road games and the radio (when we could get a signal). There were no DVD players, no Xbox hookups, no McDonald’s…and no seat belts – but hey, we could never have fit if we used those!
Today, we are far more luxurious. Spacious mini-vans are loaded with movies to take the place of “I Spy” and “License Plate ABC’s.” Headphones keep parents from listening to these movies (which is so important if you are at the Barney stage) and enjoy their own musical selections. Drive-thru restaurants have done away with the Styrofoam cooler of smashed PB&J and bologna sandwiches (although I think the “barf bag” is still worth packing). Reasonably-priced hotel chains cater to families, offering suites with refrigerators and microwaves, movies, ping pong and video-game rooms, indoor pools with spas and free hot breakfasts…what a deal!
What hasn’t changed in the family vacation world is the child factor. Some kids just travel better than others. Whether it’s a fear of new places, resistance to confinement (called the “car seat is the devil” syndrome) or motion sickness, vacations can be ruined by the uncooperative cherub. For us, family travel forever changed when our youngest came along. Michael was, from the start, car-seat adverse. We never knew how bad it was until an 18-hour drive to Jacksonville when he was six months old. How bad was it? The first thing I did upon arrival was book a ticket for Michael and me to fly home. Perhaps our budget for the trip would suffer (it meant one less day at Disney), but at least we were not devising “safe ways” to tie our baby to the roof of the mini-van anymore.
A year later, assuming so much had changed, we set off for New York. It was a last minute trip, and flights were not an option. Very quickly, we realized Michael was just as unhappy as before, only louder! But this time, the DVD player could help. One (and only one!) movie would keep him quiet, so we replayed Disney’s Remember the Titans non-stop for 12 hours there and back. Our saving grace was his fantastic taste in films, even as a toddler!
With all of this said, and being in the travel business, my husband and I continue to travel at least two or three times a year with our children. We have taken all four kids across the U.S., by car and plane, and further to Hawaii, Cambodia and Europe. While we have certainly had our share of “memorable” occurrences, we have also learned a lot along the way. So here are a few pointers from a seasoned mom that can help ease the anxiety of traveling with little ones:
- Better by air – Air travel can reduce the length of agony and give kids the thrill of seeing the world from a whole new perspective. But be prepared for the downside: hot cabins, delays on the runway, and more. Bring along quiet, new toys that your kids have never seen before and bring them out at just the right moment: as they start to lose it. Bring your own snacks and drinks – and don’t forget the sippy cup or bottle when you’re taking off or landing to help ease pressure on little ears.
- Travel prepared – A change of clothes (maybe even an extra outfit for you), snacks, tons of diapers or pull-ups and wipes, wipes and more wipes. Keep in mind that the ever-essential barf bag is provided by the airlines if you need it!
- Bring home with you – Bring along familiar toys, binkies, small stuffed animals or blankets that make your child feel more comfortable while on the road or in the air. However, leave the messiest and most cumbersome things at home.
- Prepare for the worst – Things are not always going to go as planned, so lower your expectations before you even walk out the door. That way, when your little angel surprises you with more travel patience than you ever expected, you’ll not only be pleasantly pleased – you’ll be a little proud, too.
- Do your homework – Surf the web for more “Do’s and Don’ts” on traveling with kids. There’s a wealth of knowledge out there, so don’t hesitate to learn from other parents who have been there, done that. And while you’re at it, check out the Transportation Security Administration’s “Traveling with Kids” web site for info on air travel with children at http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/index.shtm.
The best family memories are made on these trips, so grit your teeth and start planning now! |
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Planning the Perfect Birthday Party |
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Written by Cher Goggins
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009 2:59 pm |
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Planning your child’s birthday party can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be! By allowing plenty of time and following these simple tips and tricks, you’ll find yourself enjoying the party with your child instead of stressing over the details.
- Establish a Theme. Building your party around a theme will not only keep you focused and on track, it will help you stay on budget as well. Selecting napkins, games, food and décor will be a snap! It’s easy to fall in love with lots of great ideas, but too many options can make you frazzled. Include your child in the decision of what theme to choose. By discovering what your child’s latest passion is will not only involve them in the planning, but will ensure a party they won’t forget.
- Timing is Key. For younger children especially, the attention span is quickly distracted, while the energy level is not! Plan your party for approximately 2-3 hours max. Choose hours of the day that don’t interrupt naptimes and breathe a sigh of relief. That short window of time can be packed full with fun and activities that don’t exhaust even the most energetic of them all.
- Create Your Game Plan. Schedule your timeline of events and be ready to adapt to the flow. Your five year old has a mind of her own. If plan “A” doesn’t seem to fit, get your back up plan in place and make the change. Simply create an outline of how you think the party will flow. Also consider the best location for each of these games so the space is appropriate for the activity. Making a mess? Keep it in the kitchen, basement or outside for easy clean up.
- Ideas that Work. Begin with simple games or projects that can get things started out fresh and fun. As guests arrive, schedule activities that allow each child to feel a warm welcome and not the feeling of being left out. A craft project is a great place to begin. Perhaps your theme is a Dr. Seuss Party. Friends can create and decorate their own crazy hat until all guests have arrived.
Sample Game Plan: 2-3 hour party
- Getting started craft project/ costume or dress up (15-30 minutes)
- Themed games and activities (30-45 minutes)
- Eat, drink and celebrate! Themed treats are lots of fun! (15-30 minutes)
- Open gifts or closing activity such as watching a movie (30 minutes)
- Favors and open play until parents pick up child (5-10 minutes)
Sample 4- or 5-year-old party idea:
Theme: Mad Scientist Party
Activity #1: Upon guest arrival, decorate their “lab coats” and get in costume. Have their names on them ahead of time and choose names that reflect the theme (i.e., Professor Parker or Molecule Max). To make a simple lab coat, use white t-shirts cut down the center.
Activity #2: Take your scientists to their own Science Lab. Paint the picture by telling a creative story as to why they have an important role in this scientific experiment. The best storyteller is one who looks and acts the part. Finding an Albert Einstein costume for your adult master scientist is easy to do!
Activity #3: Plan a variety of science experiments. Searching online is the easiest way to go.
Menu: Cupcakes looking like molecular models using gumdrops and other candies, secret fizzy potion to drink, everlasting gobstoppers or green Jell-O that looks like Flubber.
Favors: Magnifying glasses, Pop Rocks candy for fun fizzle, simple pre-packaged science experiments (i.e., a baggie with a slice of bread lightly dampened with water… how long does it take mold to grow?) and Grow-a-Pet packets.
Closing Activity: Watch the movie “Flubber” while you wait for parents.
Your child is only this age once. Make the most of it by creating memories together! And, be sure to capture the day on tape. Assigning someone to videotape your party will be well-worth the effort while providing a lasting memory for years to come. |
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