Handling
Tantrums
Last
month, we discussed whining and what dads can do to calm a
whiny child. We learned that kids whine because it works!
If you let them, children will whine when faced with tough
situations, when they can't express their needs, or even to
"hold you hostage" to their demands. If you can calmly and
regularly ignore the behavior, eventually your child will
learn that whining is not the magic solution to life's little
problems.
This
month we discuss tantrums, a topic nearly as fun as taxes
but without the benefit of a refund. So what's the difference
between whining and tantrums? Is it just the decibel level?
Maybe…and, maybe not. Tantrums involve flailing of limbs,
screaming, wailing, and generally the complete and utter embarrassment
of the child's parents. It's bad behavior on steroids, and
it's kind of scary.
Ok, so how do you handle tantrums. According to the experts,
take what you know about whining and add an extra dose of
parental judgment. Here' a list of Do's and Don'ts:
Don'ts
- Don't
reward a tantrum by giving in
- Don't
punish the behavior
- Don't
lose your calm
Do's
- Make
sure they're safe
- Show
them effective ways to communicate anger
- Catch
them doing the right thing and avoid tantrums all together
- Watch
for overly aggressive, self-injurious, or prolonged tantrums.
It's
important to remember that while most temper tantrums are
a normal part of early childhood, overly aggressive, self-hurting,
prolonged or frequent tantrums - especially over the age of
three - may signal a greater risk of a clinical problem.
If
all else fails, take a tip from Terri Alexander. Terri has
been a foster parent for twenty years and is the mother of
eight adopted children. Over the years, she's seen her fair
share of tantrums. But nothing prepared her for Daisy. Daisy
came to live with Terri at the age of two as her biological
mother was struggling with mental illness. Daisy had trouble
expressing emotions, trusting others and would occasionally
sit in the fetal position for hours on end. Her tantrums had
gotten so bad that Terri thought that she would have to move
Daisy to a new home. Once the screaming lasted a full eight
hours.
Today,
Daisy is doing fine and tantrums are a thing of the past.
She's living on her own and getting ready to have her own
children. What did this experienced foster parent do to combat
tantrums? The answer…nothing. After experimenting with classes,
books and techniques, she discovered the most effective way
of stopping tantrums was simply to ignore them. Like whining,
children often throw tantrums to engage us as parents. When
Daisy finally understood that her tantrums had no power over
Terri, they soon ended.
Now
that's parenting advice we all can follow.
